Conference Call Weather Updates: An Epidemic

I dial into my bi-weekly conference call. I’m greeted by the cold and unwelcoming voice of robo-lady demanding me to key in my meeting PIN number. After punching in my code, there is a peaceful stillness and silence to the air. This moment of calm is precious and oh so fleeting. “HELLO!?!?” Shouts a man into his phone as if he is actually trying to yell across the vast geography that divides the meeting participants. I pray that no one responds. A few seconds go by, and I feel a brief sense of relief. “Oh hey Bob, sorry I had you on ‘mute’. HAHAHAHA!” a witch like voice cackles over the airwaves. A chill runs down my spine as a paralyzing sense of panic overcomes me. At this point, I know I’m doomed and I’m just waiting for the shoe to drop. It’s like the sound of the serial killer walking up the creaky wooden stairs. And then the door squeaks open… “How’s the weather over there?” My heart drops. I can’t escape. I am tangled in a web of amateur meteorologists I know I won’t get out of, and this meeting is surely doomed to go 15 minutes longer than it should. It’s hot, it’s cold, it’s hot AND cold. The worst part of it all is that when someone inevitably asks me about the weather, I cave. They’ve infected me. I wisecrack about “all this rain we’ve been getting”. I fear I may not be able to turn back. Please, for the love of God, don’t let them infect you.