The old man and the gym

The gym bathroom experience is quite unlike any other bathroom experience. Sure, when you walk in, it’s usually the same basic setup. A few urinals and stalls, and typically a bank of sinks. But there is one thing that you can consistently count on in the gym bathroom that you won’t get anywhere else. And that is the old man drying his ball-sack and taint with the hand dryer. This man is north of 70 years old, body sad and wrinkly, and the remaining hair on his head turned white by the hands of Father Time. The facial expression he has while forcing his genitals toward the warm air is never of satisfaction or embarrassment, but pure emptiness. He is almost certainly unaware of where he is. There is not a hint of muscle on his decaying body, which makes you wonder why he’s spending any of his precious remaining time in a gym at all. What’s more baffling to me is how he is accomplishing anything. There is never a high-powered hand dryer in the gym. After I use it, I usually have to wipe my hands on a towel because it didn’t do the job. And that’s with me sticking my hands inches below the power source. So, there is no chance the hand dryer is doing anything for the man’s balls that are closer to the floor than they are to the dryer. It’s a conundrum. It’s a disgusting sight and pisses me off in the moment, but I have a certain amount of respect for how little this man cares about the people around him. I think the Gym Bathroom Ball Dryer will die out with this current generation of geriatrics. I don’t see Gen X or Millennials carrying the torch on this ritual. Having a car wash style dryer blowing up from the floor as you leave the shower seems like the easy fix we are headed toward. Until that day, I will just go dry my hands elsewhere you filthy, old man.